Prayer
Your Eye, My Peace
Your Eye, My Peace My mischievous boysalign themselves with chaos.Follow them where I cannot.Step in to protect themfrom dangers and disastrous consequences.May my words reach You.May you favor them with Your guidance.I am forever indebted to You.What can I do to make Your day?
Intervention
Intervention The pain never stops.It has become as much a part of meas my skin, my eyes, my pulse. Please, please intervene.Reunite my body with your blessings ...with joy and life and strength. Remind me what it was to be safe in my body. And when I cannot hear Your reminders,
Rejuvenation
Rejuvenation Awake to a damp, cloudy morn;rain imminent.Take a breath of thick, heavy air.I don't ask for sunshine,just a bright perspective of this day.The rains pour down.Rains that cleanse the mind, the air;rains that nourish every living thing.Including me.
Feeling Lonely
Feeling Lonely My mornings of sorroware shrouded in pain.This "ideal" lifestyleis crumbling into dust.Hope is shattered.Life has implodedinto the sands of time. Tears like crystal ball snowflakesfleck with happinesstwirling with the forcesof false emotion,as myriad feelingsreflect on mirrorsdulled by...
Blessed Meal
Blessed Meal Thank You for this food.May I savor each bitemindful of the blessings that bought it,the work that produced it,and the hands that prepared it.May I be nourished and renewedby this gift of sustenance,eager and able to pass Your blessings on.
Ever-Present
Ever-Present I lost my nerve todayand You led me back to it.What would I do without Yourever-present support?Thank You for never,tiring tiring tiring of my repetitivepleas and failings.
Finding Time
Finding Time It's everywhere.Sitting on the bus or driving in the car.Waiting at the deli counter, number 56 in hand.Who knew 3 pounds of lean corned beefcould get me closer
The Truth About Troubles
The Truth About Troubles If you just scan the headlines of my life,you'll think I'm delusional.What in the world would make me thinkthere's any hope?Calloused hearts, empty stomachs, aimless souls.Tail-gaters, back-stabbers, nay-sayers.It seems that civilityhas become a casualty.Human is no longer
Playtime
Playtime Trees must be climbed,pebbles thrown and puddles stomped.Instead of calling him back,help me share in the joyof these sights, these sounds,and these experiences.Help me fight the urgeto look for the stain removeruntil after we have had our fun,run our race,and laughed out loud.With Your help,I can relearn joyin the sticky hands...
Concrete Walls
Concrete Walls Her letters arrive filled with anguish,apologies, and tear-stained pages.She speaks of isolation, little sleep,cold floors, cold showers, guards that hate.She begs forgiveness for what she's done;she asks for...
Giving Up the Smokes
Giving Up the Smokes Today I did not dothat thing I should not do:That thing I've allowedto define me,for far too long.I tell myself stories about it."It keeps me thin.""I can't resist it."Today I realizedthose stories are lies,and I didn't listen.
This Garment
This Garment The one I love is on my mind. I carry You with me every day, like a shawl that covers me, or a stone in my pocket that I constantly reach forto make sure it's still there. But I worry so much about our future. It's unknown, like everyone's. It's riddled with...
Sacred Agent
Sacred Agent I ask that you make me Yours—not only your child,Your wayward lamb—but also Your instrument,Your agent of change.Teach me to surrender not to the darkness,but to the light of possibilityas Your strength sustains me,and Your wisdom guides me. For once, I...
Tail End of Hope
Tail End of Hope I cannot see the light at the end anymore.All I can see are the months stretched out before me,each one representing a new set of bills I cannot pay.I see no way out.All I see is deeper debt, deeper failure.I would love for You to guide me out of this.I am asking to be rescued.I am asking to see results.If...
Kill 'em with Kindness
Kill 'em with Kindness The next time some crazy driver cuts me off in traffic,help me to lay off the horn.The next time my boss requires me to come in on my day off,help me to remember it's money in my pocket and avoid the urge to spit in the coffee. The next time my mother tells me I look tired,help remind me...
High Horse
High Horse My son told me todayhe's not sure he believes in You.The jury is still out on that one, he said.At eleven, he's figured it outand knows all the answers.Please help me hold my tongueso he can make his own way in the world.Help me to accept everyonein my life, including my own child,just as they are.
Giving Thanks
Giving Thanks Every year at this time, the family comes together,traveling from afar to the old homestead.Help me plan and prepare the feast for my family.Allow us to eat our fill of these homemade delicacies and enjoy each other's company.Even with all these perfect pieces,the puzzle is incomplete without prayer.Bless us with a spirit of gratitude as we commemorate Your...
Your Presence Requested
Your Presence Requested I know You're there,but where?Worries are poking at me,sharp-clawed:my job, my family, my life.I can't feel You today,and I am afraid.Where are You?
Difficult Job
Difficult Job I will not expecta pat on my backfor doing a good job.I will go beyondwhat people are expecting.Every step I takeis an opportunity.When others doubt me,my faith will be my victory.
Small Wonders
Small Wonders I praise You for the tiny gloriesI am often too busy to see:the irregular scallop of a maple leaf,the impossible yellow of a dandelion, the perfection of untrammeled snow. For the scrap of sunlight the cat findsin the darkened hallway,I thank You.
Pledge for the Soul
Pledge for the Soul Today as I clean my home,help me to truly value the worth of my actions.Help me to rise abovethe tedious nature of household tasks,content in the knowledgethat my hands are involved in sacred work.As I scrub and vacuum,let me imagine that I am also keeping my spirit clean and shining.Help me to...
Worship
Worship I need YouI weep for YouI reach out for YouI feel YouI think of YouI worship YouGuide me to bea better person today than yesterdayLet the joy of worshipmanifest in meand others will know your comfortunderstandingforgivenessand love.
Spirit Mechanics
Spirit Mechanics Thank You for the miracle of movement.Thank You for the ease with which I directmy body wherever I want to go.Should I ever lose this capacity,let me not be discouraged,let me not lose hope.Help me to realize,that by Your infinite grace,I can never be truly confined.
Fear
Fear I believe love conquers all,but today I am full of fear and anxiety.I feel like the most overlookedwoman in the world.Help me to know Your courageous love.Remove this fear from me,so that I may accomplish Your will.Live in me, speak to me, rescue me.Today, won't you deliver me with love?
Prosperous Soul
Prosperous Soul Remind me,when my transmission diesand the numbers in my checking accountturn red,that I am blessed—that this phase of my lifeis nothing short of a miracle.Without financial disaster,I may not discover my own creative potential.I may not learn to simplify.I may not see the love that surrounds me,the open hearts...
Erasure
Erasure It feels like this one more interviewmight just be it.I declare an opportunity to come in my life.Right Now!I am not too old, I am not too young.I will learn new skills becauseI want this job! Erase old thoughts of "not...
Family Complete
Family Complete I have already lost a baby. I have already lost holidays with a little one. I have lost peanut butter fingerprints in the kitchenand unidentifiable globs
Monday Rebirth
Monday Rebirth Today I am born to a new week.I thank You for the view from Monday,for the wide, unworn week stretching out before me,for all the possibilitysimmering beneath the surfacesff appointments and deadlines.Thank You for standing beside me today,stepping with me into another new beginningand filling me...
Standing Tall
Standing Tall The moment is still. The news is frightful. I watch her rise and exit the room.Behind her a prediction of failure, of sickness, a future far from easy.I want to glance awayand forget her face. But no—steel my stare. Help me look even closerand remember only this:
Radiant Morning!
Radiant Morning! What a wild burst of energy today!I woke this morning to Your beautiful sunlight,to Your blue skies, and a world of possibility!I am motivated. I am ready. I am Yours.
Weighty Request
Weighty Request The needle sticks at a number too high for my liking. I just can’t do this without You. Please, help me today to avoid temptation. Help me to eat mindfully, to approach activity with enthusiasm, to...
Courage to Reach Out
Courage to Reach Out "Help those in need,"You tell me,but I hesitate. Will she welcome my helpor think I'm interfering?Because she has so little,will it look like I'mflaunting all I have,rubbing her face in my success?What if I do or say the wrong thing?Worries fill my minduntil...
Miracles of Routine
Miracles of Routine I wake.I am blessed to meet the new day.I stretch and snuggle,I am blessed with arms, legs and body at my command.I open my eyes, I am blessed with vision. I listen to the sounds and silence around me,I am...
Soothe and Comfort
Soothe and Comfort They've had a big fight.I want to join in, shouting out loud.How dare she accuse him,condemn him,not love him as much as I do?Help me hear without judgement.Help me weave together an understandingthat I could not find on my own.Help me draw peace from Your presence.Help me listen, soothe, and comfort...
Tearing Down the Anger
Tearing Down the Anger I did it again. I yelled.After I promised You I would learn control,my anger took hold, escaped.I made them cry.Me who loves them more than life itself.How could I do that?You need to help me here or I will undo the few things I have done right.Please guide me to be a personwho speaks...
Whole
Whole Though I stomp and whine and moanfor my own idea of completion,I see that You have already made me whole.And so I praise youfor the body that sustains meand the spirit that fills me,for the friends that support meand the family that guides me,for the work that challenges meand the play that thrills me,
Prism
Prism Refractions of light from a prism:a heterogeneous, multi-faceted rainbow,splitting the spectrum.Transparency separating the lightinto its component elements.It's not the brightest, fastest, or keenest raythat makes the enchantment happen,but it strikes the right place at the right time.Help me be a prism to my companions;to help them discern what is...
Long Way Home
Long Way Home I heard the call many moons ago,but turned away to 'find myself.'Thank You for going to all this trouble,to sculpt me in skin and sinew,to wait patiently as I came back into the foldYou took me the long way home,so I could reach my own conclusions.Let me be all I can,and thank You with my life.Please, today and every day,be in...
Plea for Hope
Plea for Hope He stares unseeing into the distance.He is so young; his life full of possibilities— but he can’t feel it. I fear I will say the wrong thing and push himbeyond all hope, beyond all help.Please help me rea...
Praise Song
Praise Song Praise to YouWho whispers to usin a spring breeze,in the sigh of leaves overhead,in the chuckle of a running stream.Praise to YouWho cries out to usin the roar of waves endless,ever present,all encompassing,making You known.Praise to YouWho calls to usin the pop and creak of ice,in the thump of snow...
A Stripe and a Star
A Stripe and a Star I am a stripe, I am a star, I am red, white and blue. Although we have never met, I will always pray for you. I wouldn’t know your name
Career Girl
Career Girl Everybody who works heretells a story with their clothes.Some have on suits; I’m wearing a uniform.Make me proud of myself and what I doas I go to work each day.Let the people I work withknow that I’m here to do a job,and I mean business.
Committed to Each Other
Committed to Each Other As they commit themselvesto each other's hearts, hands and lives, I thank You.For helping them find each other—friends and lovers,supporters and confidants. Thank You for letting me share in their joy-to bask in the loveof two such special...
Off the Shelf
Off the Shelf My faith is too delicateto even speak some days.It is a flower, a vase, a glassthat I fear doubt can break.But I shall not leave iton a shelf collecting dust. I shall not place it out of reach—something I see, but never use. So f...
A Difficult Boss
A Difficult Boss What can I do?Too much is expected of me.Good is never good enough.I cry on the way to work,makeup ruined before I get there.My boss rages, unjustified.When I speak softly,Iím told to be less timid.When I speak up,I'm told I'm too aggressive.
I've Missed You
I've Missed You Years ago, when I first fell in love with You,nothing could silence our connection.The warm assurances we shared were non-stop.You were Everything. Everywhere. Always. Until...Explosive heart-break. Unfair loss. Pain.It was so scalding hot,not even You could console me.I see now that's onlybecause You are gentle and patient.
Forgive, Forget, Move On
Forgive, Forget, Move On How can I ever forget?You tell me forgiving begets forgetting.Easier said than done.I nurse my hurts and keep them close,like treasured souvenirs.Pry open my fists and force them loose.It is time to move on,even though I'm afraid of the road ahead,what it looks likewithout the distraction of old...
Wrapping Up Friday
Wrapping Up Friday This week has been a gift;today I tie the ribbon—wrapping up work, looking forward to rest.Thank You for the thousand waysYou have lent a hand to me.Through every meeting and every interaction,through every dirty face and unwashed dish,You have been my guide.Help me end this week as I...
Friend Indeed
Friend Indeed I’m supposed to be good with words, but my friend is so sick.She needs me to cheer her up, to crack wise in my funny accent.I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.What I do know is Who will bring tomorrow.All I can tell her is that there is always hope.Speak through me as I comfort and encourage her,a...
Unfolding
Unfolding I belong to You.I know this best when I am here,sharing this space and timewith only You. I unfold here,bringing each part of myself forward againto be seen by Your familiar eyesand to be held in Your focused affection. Please unfold for me, too.Let me meet You the way You meet me--with exclusive attention,with...
Brick by Brick
Brick by Brick Help me be the wise woman,the woman who builds her homebrick by brick, memory by memory.Help me to realize when I am tearing downthese carefully constructed wallswith harsh words or harmful habits.With Your help,I can love myself as You love me.With Your help,I can look at my mistakes
Saturday Energy Rush
Saturday Energy Rush Today is a day for living!I step into sunlight, blinking,unused to bona fide illumination.What wonders You have laid before me!Let us drink them in together. Saturday is a shot of Vitamin C.I thank You for its energy, its pulse;
M-Word
M-Word I have been afraid of money . . .afraid that understanding finances would make me cold,that preferring security makes me faithless,that wishing for prosperity makes me greedy.Please clear my heart of fear,so that You can finally provide for meby teaching me to provide for myself. Grant me the courage to put a price on my...
From the Inside to the Outside
From the Inside to the Outside Let me know Your will,Your hearts desire, and my own.Train me; prune me in the faith life,that I may bear fruit pleasing to You.Inside, show me how to love unconditionally,free to express Your wordsof comfort and tolerance.Let compassion overflow...
Totality
Totality Let me love Youwith everything.Let my intellect adore You,my body understand You,my heart envelop You.Teach me to open entirely,that I may learn to reach for Youwith more than my words,for I am madeof more than words myself,and I am madeto commune with You. ...
Overheated Musings
Overheated Musings Dog days, summer's end.This month's revelationscome quietly,sweat-soaked.Thank you for endings,for they make beginnings sweeter.Life cannot always be sunny weather;we must bear our winters, too.Help me to appreciatethe seasons as they happen.Let me stay warmwhen cold winds blow.August will...
Becoming
Becoming Thoughts become attitudes,attitudes become decisions.Decisions become actions,actions become habits.Habits form character,character shapes our destiny.Help me to deal with my thoughts properly.Then You will fill my life
Namaste
Namaste
Known
Known There is no part of meYou cannot see.You know my guilt, joy,my fear and my hope.Your knowledge of my secretsfrees me from the weight of them.Your knowledge of my soulbrings me closer to You.You know me completely,and still You love me completely.
Understanding 101
Understanding 101 Lost amongst my acres of knowledgeand mounds of booksI'm a mere academic,Trying to make sense of life and love. I own a mellifluous mountainof meandering meaningless wordsand I mouth them when the moment arises. I cannot tell the difference betweenpatois, idiolect, jargon, dialect,idiom, argot,...
Your Ideal
Your Ideal Today I am stressed.Stressed to the pointof losing my way in life.It feels easier to sort out waysto be in my addictionthan to be stuckwithin my head today.Stuck in my headfeeling powerlessover what is happeningin my world.
Never Alone
Never Alone You are near when breathing starts to quicken,when eyes are open, but not seeing of this earth,when coolness envelopes the skin,when family and friends (from here and beyond)are beckoned to the bedside.You are near when tears flow, and it's time to say good bye.When smiles...
Unparalleled Gift of Community
Unparalleled Gift of Community The friends You have given mebring explosive joy.They bring laughter and hope.They hold and support methrough trials and uncertainty.They give me a sense of purposeby allowing me the opportunityto be an encouragement to them.Through my...
Root of Love
Root of Love What a remarkable gift You've designed!Today, let those sharing Your love open their lives for one another.With bold and unbending love,each lets the other in,standing side by side in vulnerability and in strength,in suffering and in joy,in past, future, and...
All in One
All in One When I’m weak, You are my strength.When I’m afraid, You are here.When I’m sad, You are my joy.When I’m in despair, You are my hope.When I’m alone, Your presence stays.When I stumble, You catch me.When I don’t understand, You are my Teacher.When others hurt, You are my Healer.
Day of Endless Failures
Day of Endless Failures I feel as if I have not doneone single thing right today.This day has been one failureafter another:failures at workfailures at homefailures with friends.
Self-Acceptance
Self-Acceptance I achieved Rubenesque status by eating reubens,living life fully, indulging to the hilt. Fondly, I remember fondue.The bakery, sacred to me.I approach pie with what one can only regard as piety.Thank You for this ample frame, which allowed me...
Trust the Connections
Trust the Connections When and whereI will connect with Youisn't something I can predict,yet I judge when and whereothers will make these connections. Only with Youcan I lead without pushing,wait without impatienceand give others the spaceto find You.
Ah, Young Love
Ah, Young Love "I was young once, too,"I tell her.But she stares at me,as if I sprang, fully-formedand middle-aged, from the head of Zeus.How can I possibly understandtrue love?So I turn to You who taught methe meaning of the word.
Words Do Hurt
Words Do Hurt If only I could take them back!But the words flew out of my thoughtless mouthlike a bullet out of a gun.I watched it pierce,the pain welling up in my friend's eyes.I felt it ricochet through me, too,gutting me to the heart.There seems no end to the waysthat words can harm.I, alone, cannot fix this.
What Happened?
What Happened? I was asked for a favor.I loaned the money:to pay bills, to pay rent,to buy food for the children.She promised to pay me back.Next week turns into next year.The phone calls stop.Our short conversationsof friendship are gone.A need fulfilledturns into friendships end.What happened?
Listening for You
Listening for You Time and time again,I bring my concerns and worries to You,but when I try to hear Your voice,something always gets in the way. The phone rings.The oven timer goes off.Someone calls my name. Please help me find a time,a place, a way to hearwhat it is You need to tell...
What I Can Give
What I Can Give A million eyes follow me-tired eyes, hopeless eyes,searching for answers,for restoration, for miracles.But I am not a miracle worker.I am a Doctor, exhausted by long shiftsand limited energy.
Falling
Falling Autumn isfalling leavesare fallingthings arefalling into placeagain.Gone is summer'ssiren call;Fall is abouta return to purpose.Here is mine:To serve Youwell and always,in every wayand weather.
Restoration
Restoration My body seems to have turned on me.My head is fluid.My stomach has flipped upside downand I've got a wretched caseof the shivering sweats.I am losing time to my sickness.My body is an enemy.Stay here with me, won't You? Lay a cool hand on my foreheadand soothe my...
The Diagnosis
The Diagnosis She called today.There was something in her voice I never heard before.She had been to the doctor."A biopsy is needed, just to be sure," they said.I offered to drive; she can't be alone.I'll hold her hand and chatter away.A mind occupied cannot think.When her name is called, I'll hug her.She...
Women of All Faiths
Women of All Faiths We gather together, women of all faiths.We bring to you our thanks and our worries,our joy and our heartbreak. You are much greater than we can ever be.Please share with us the peace and...
Politics as Usual
Politics as Usual Everyone is angry these days.Even tea parties are no longer genteel.I can't stand the shouting.so I turn to You for answers.From all I know of You,You are about love.It is time for You to step in.Please let love reanimate the body politic.Teach Your children to usetheir "indoor" voices to reason, not accuse.Tutor...
Temple Ruins
Temple Ruins Into everyone's life must comethat one fateful day.My day was that morning,I woke up listing leftlike a ship without a rudder.My head found the wall,I didn't realize I was leaning.Even its name is a mystery: multiple sclerosis.This is where my faith found traction.You are there at every turneven when I can't...
Day In and Day Out
Day In and Day Out Today has been kind of low key,nothing much going on.Still I see Your work all around me.In the intricaciesof tendon and muscle and nervethat enable my hands to work.In the complexityof sun and waterthat supports lifeon this complicated planet.You are truly in all.
Office of Empathy
Office of Empathy Years ago, I would never have felt this way.Thank You for the darkest days.It infused me with an understandingI wouldn’t otherwise have.
Doubt
Doubt Be with me.Not just in cloisters,clouds and the parted sea.Walk with me.Reassure me that theroad is only unfamiliarthe first time I’m on it.Speak to me concretely.Take me past the metaphorsand middle menand tell me why I doubt.Reach out Your handto lift me back upwith Your graceand complete m...
Showing Up for Life
Showing Up for Life All I want to do today is eat and drinkand lie numb on the sofa.I do not want to think about my obstacles. Today it feels easier and safer to give in to my addiction.Please provide me with the courage to fight my disease.Give me the strength to show up for my life. I have faith in Your presence and knowin...
Au Fait
Au Fait You know every sole that has ever left a footprint in the sand.You know every child who has ever flown home from collegeto spend a holiday with their family.You know every Scout leader that has hiked a forest trail.
Unraveling
Unraveling Her marriage is breaking upand I want to help. Yet I wilt when I think how soon the phone will ring again,pouring her sorrow over my soul.I cannot give the answershe wants the most.I don't know if she will keep him. I don't know if she should keep him. Show me the path that will bring her peace. Please help me find the wordsthat reflect...
Gifted
Gifted Others praise You with voices raised in song.Still others paint awe-inspiringcanvases or raise buildings into the sky.Let me praise You with the talentsYou have given me.I can reach out a handto steady my elderly neighbor,or raise my heart in prayerfor a sorrowing friend.I can stir a pot bubbling on the stoveas I wait for my hungry...
Through Your Eyes
Through Your Eyes Today, tomorrow, and always,may I be allowed to see everyoneI come in contact with,through Your eyes. When they speak out in anger,let me see the hurtthat consumes them;the anguish that shields their tears.Let me be the reassuring...
Next Opportunity
Next Opportunity Discouragement covers melike piles of papers on this desk.The light in my job is gone.I dream often of leavingthe struggles of dreary daysand finding a new start.But I know too well:I’m too practical to quit,too lazy to leave,too ashamed to walk away,again.
Scared
Scared I look to You when I am scared.I am scared now.I ask for Your peace to cradle my soulto enfold me within Your warmth,understanding and grace.I ask for Your strength to filterwithin me and to help me spread courageamong those who are also frightened.Answer me and provide me withYour loving and safe...
Bless This Mess
Bless This Mess If cleanliness is next to godliness,this house is in another zip code.Divine presence, please bless our dirty home,for it has been lived in and loved in.Thank you for every messy inch of it. For the dust lining the...
Going Green
Going Green Yesterday it occurred to me,as I washed the same clothes,emptied the same dishwasher,and scrubbed the same kitchen sink, again:I am Your poster child for “going green”Because You recycle me!Cost saving and efficient, You help the earth by the energy I generate,by doing tasks in rep...
Longing to Love
Longing to Love I am so tired of eating alone, of sleeping alone, of waking up to no one but myself.I date, but it never leads to anything long term.For so long, I’ve been looking for my type, my ideal man.Help me keep my eyes and my heart opento the possibilities You place b...
Mother's Love
Mother's Love I am not a babe, child, or teenand yet the sweet, sweet softnessand love of my motheroverwhelms me at times.She is gone from this tired earth,but never from my presence.I often feel her around,in the flutter of a butterflythat lands on my arm;tickling my tresses on a windless day;
Segues
Segues Impossible, he called me.In fact, I said,I am quite possible.Just not very likely.I told him, you disagree with everything I say.No I don't, he said.My husband and I never argued.That would have beentoo much like communication.I found out the road to hell is paved...
Everyday Miracles
Everyday Miracles There are things I don't understand, but I count on them.Electricity. A compass. Faith.Things that light my way and take me where I need to be.Gravity. Common sense.You. Things I count on to
Faith vs. Reason
Faith vs. Reason I'm here,You're there,and yet, we're together. I've been around the block, around the world.Somehow, You're everywhere I go. Make me mindful that life is not all or nothing.Embolden me as I fail forwardknowing that the only mistake would be not to try.
Personal Peace
Personal Peace I praise You for:My purpose,My passion,My partner,My people,My personal peace,Your perfection experienced.For purpose gives direction.Passion unleashes my gifts.My partner, life meaning,My people, a heritage,My personal peace isYour grace...
Stuck in My Head
Stuck in My Head
Reflections
Reflections I look in the mirror and see a jumble of flaws.Please, help me see myself as You see me:Perfect. Whole. Capable.Help me to view my defects as potential,my awkwardness as a different beauty.Prevent me from self-harm,and from habits that bring me shame.Help me to accept myself as I am,just as You do,with limitless kindness and forgiveness.
Frustrated Girlfriend
Frustrated Girlfriend Please help me to not kill my boyfriend.When he leaves the toilet seat up,keep my voice from becoming shrill.When he responds to my conversation in cave man speak,keep my hand from hitting the back of his head.When he smells like a locker room,keep my requests for hygiene civil.When he gives me a gift that's really for him,keep my...