Blogs - Chief of Pray Blog

Women Handling Heartbreak: Divorce Rehab

“Women, how do you handle heartbreak?” That was the lead-in to a Palm Beach Post article that caught my eye. It’s written by Barbara Marshall, and focuses on Amy Botwinick’s Web TV Show, Divorce Rehab.  I’m fascinated on two levels: First, reality show on the web? I’m so busy avoiding reality shows on TV, it never occurred to me that the web was broadcasting. And I call myself tech savvy… feh. Second: How do women handle heartbreak? What are women saying their lives are like after divorce?

I’ve been divorced twice, and I’m here to say, my life after divorce(s) could not be better! I am happy, secure and having a great time. When I think back, 20+ years ago, when I got divorced², I realize I was never heartbroken. I loved husbands’ number 1 and number 2, I truly did. Oddly enough, divorce did not break my heart, it filled it.

A bad marriage is a drain. It made me crabby. It also made me self-centered and whiny; poor, poor pitiful me. That’s what I thought about when I was unhappily married, I knew how much better it could be. I understood I couldn’t change my husband’s ways, but I could change my situation, so I got divorced. And my heart was full, once again, with good moods and appreciation for decisions that were all mine to make. My heart was also open again to new love.

After a crazed couple of years of furious dating throughout an unrelenting manhunt, I stopped. It’s no coincidence that it was around the time I joined Congregation Beth Shalom, husband number 3 and final; snuck up on me. The Jewish version of “finding Jesus” begins when you find a place to call your spiritual home. In Judaism, synagogues are notorious for being the most boring places on earth. You’re subjected to hours and hours of tedious worship services conducted in a language you don’t speak or understand.

But I snuggled in nicely to a prayer routine at Beth Shalom, it was meaningful and uplifting. In no time at all, I was content to be myself, by myself. It seems just when I was comfortable without a man in my life; the right man entered my life. Tranquility is an aphrodisiac to a guy with his own history of too much drama in relationships.

Glenda, Karolyne, Kelly, Lisa A., Lisa M., Lynne, Melinda and Tali, are the women of Divorce Rehab. Each one is handling heartbreak, and each one has something to say about life after divorce. I wonder about their prayer lives. They look to be regular kind of gals, without excessive religious fervor:  The kind of women who have a spiritual side that’s not in your face; rather it’s gentle and personal. The women of Divorce Rehab, led by Amy, obviously enjoy camaraderie from their group which helps them get through their pain. I hope they continue to be enlightened and empowered from the experience of online support. May their conversations reach beyond the internet audience, to the One who hears the message in broken hearts and responds with healing.

Segues

Impossible, he called me.
In fact, I said,
I am quite possible.
Just not very likely.
I told him,
you disagree

with everything I say.
No I don't, he said.
My husband and I never argued.
That would have been
too much like communication.

I found out the road to hell
is paved with things
too small to mention.
Thank you for this separation.
It has brought us together,
in different worlds.

We'll raise our son
to know he is loved,
and that love isn't
hurting each other.
I'm grateful that we
are on the same page,
even as we write our lives
separately.

-Ruth Williams