Blogs - Chief of Pray Blog

Teaching Children Values and Ethics:
The Case for Clichés

Stop and smell the roses. Such an important message about how we should live our lives, and yet, clearly a cliché. When does the language we use, detract from the essence of what we have to say?

My Rabbi shared a story. She was teaching a large group of parents with 4-5 year olds. The topic was something like: how to raise children with strong ethics and good values. The metaphor she wove throughout the lesson was, stop and smell the roses. We’re all aware of the frantic rushing around that takes place in young families with busy schedules. The Rabbi spoke about the importance of family taking the time to pause and share experiences. She told the parents to teach their kids to appreciate life and the miraculous moments to be found in each and every day. One Daddy didn’t get it. He was expecting something more profound.

I’m wondering what it was about this life lesson that made one Daddy say, "'To stop and smell the roses' is mundane." Was he looking for an answer that was deeper, more complex, or did this Daddy get turned-off by the cliché? I did some cliché research and found insight from Steven Morgan Friedman. Friedman has an interesting assortment of websites, one of which is clichefinder.com. He explains: a cliché is something that lots of people say and it conveys some sort of idea or message. A cliche is, in other words, a metaphor characterized by its overuse. It’s an interesting dilemma. People use a cliché because it’s a more effective way to get your point across than if you used ordinary words. A cliché can take the sting out of directly saying what you mean. If I say to my husband; (not that this ever happens!) “Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Somehow that’s kinder than calling him a hypocrite.

I publish prayer poetry, and poetry often uses metaphors, but we’re diligent not to use clichés. It’s a fine line between using metaphors and using clichés. One of the reasons I started Prayables.com, was because I was tired of praying from prayer books that that used old-fashioned metaphors that didn’t sound the way I talk. Although out-dated and abstract metaphors aren’t my thing in prayer, certain clichés used in life, most certainly are. Just ask my kids.

The Diamond Family Top Ten Clichés

10. Don’t tell me how rocky the water is, just steer the damn boat— stop whining and do it
9. The ball is in your court— I’m through, it’s up to you
8. If the shoe fits, wear it— busted, you’re guilty as charged
7. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree— you’re just like me, that’s a good thing
6. You’re your own worse enemy— you’re an idiot
5. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it— stop anticipating problems
4. Too many cooks spoil the broth— get out of my kitchen
3. He’s not playing with a full deck— your friend is a moron
2. When it rains it pours— shit happens
And the numero uno Diamond family cliché…
1. LEARN THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR— you’re not getting any money from us!

Whether it’s a true blue metaphor, or a cliché trying to make a point, there’s darn good advice to be found in a cleverly worded phrase. Stop and smell the roses— a cliché classic that works. Use it to teach your children values and ethics, and use it when you’re looking to live your own life with purpose.

Priceless Gifts

I want to be the best mother I can be,
to honor my children
by providing boundaries.

Allow me to be in the moment with them,
soaking in all their love
and giving back with mine.

Create the will for my children
to come to me with their problems,
feeling safe, loved and cared for
comforted by my presence.

Today, I will love, care and provide for myself;
only then can I give these priceless gifts away.

-Robyn Cruze