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How Many Marriages End in Divorce?

Big doings in the U.K., William and Kate announced their upcoming marriage, and re-ignited Princess Di fever once again. For women of a certain age who loved Princess Di, getting ready for a new pretty young lady to join the royal family, is a bittersweet moment.

“There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” Diana made this statement in a television interview on the BBC. There were many of us who could relate. Another woman, workaholicism, and even an obsessive hobby, are only some of things that can crowd a marriage.

I was in a crowded marriage years ago. My husband #1, found wife #2, while still married to me. My memories came rushing back when Diana was talking about her troubles in ’95, and here they come again, with the royal engagement in 2010.

I never took a “Why Me?” attitude. I was crushed. but not defeated; sad, but not broken-hearted. In fact, after the initial shock, and when the pain subsided, I was relieved. For me, it wasn’t that our marriage was crowded, exactly. I simply felt alone.

With 40-50% of all first marriages ending in divorce and even higher ratios for second and third marriages, there’s typically a lot of “third parties” in relationships today.  Kids from a former life, can make a spouse feel like “odd-man out.” Try playing second fiddle to step-kids who are allowed to come between a husband and wife. That’s a one-way ticket to misery.

How many women are unhappy in a marriage or a relationship and too scared to move on? Is it better to be alone with somebody keeping you company, than to be alone, by yourself?  I have taken an informal poll of women I know, who have not found a true love replacement after a split. Are you better off with, or without him? I hear stories of incredible freedom, loneliness, and often— just getting by. But I have not heard, from even one woman, that they wish they were back in their “crowded” marriage. It’s nice to be somebody’s priority, but hell to be somebody’s afterthought.

There is not one of us who knows what our destiny will bring. We can only open ourselves up to the opportunities available. We can make good choices. We can develop an inner strength that allows us to find contentment, whether we’re nicely situated, crowded or alone. We are all blessed with the  ultimate devoted partner who puts us first above all else. Praise God for our unity and praise God for our self-sufficiency.

Feeling Lonely

My mornings of sorrow
are shrouded in pain.
This "ideal" lifestyle
is crumbling into dust.
Hope is shattered.
Life has imploded
into the sands of time.

Tears like snowflakes
fleck with happiness
and twirl the forces
of false emotion.

Myriad feelings
reflect on mirrors
dulled by pain
and the dust of age.

Empty household memories
fill my mind's eye.

But tomorrow,
hope will peek through the clouds again,
and banish the bleakness
of this lonely existence.

Help me find the will to trust,
and believe in You again.

-Tanja Cilia