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Follow Through

I started a writer’s workshop in my area last night.  It’s actually the same writer’s workshop I had started right before getting pregnant but then life smacked me around a bit and I was too busy changing diapers to worry about changing voice in a novel manuscript.  Sure, I’m a little black and blue but the bruises are healing and I’ve decided to keep life from bullying me once and for all.  I’m ready to take charge.

But if I just dusted off my hands and called it a day, I’d know I’d be lying to myself.  The truth is, it’s never been easy for me to take on something new and see it through to fruition.   I’ve often been known to be in the business of starting things but not necessarily finishing them.  Volleyball camp sophomore year?  Sweating and I don’t get along. Working at Target for two days during college?  Red really isn’t my color.  The blogging network I started several months ago?  Um, managing stuff is hard.

I don’t have the most perfect track record when it comes to sticking to things but I’m willing to amend this, especially since it’s a new year and Ava’s quickly catching on to pretty much anything, even her father’s wacky dancing.   The poor, poor girl.

But the point is I need to be willing to trust myself.  I need to stop feeling like I can’t handle the pressure, the responsibility of establishing something that could be incredibly important for our community.  Our city is known for its incredibly high rates of illiteracy and if I turn a blind eye to that problem just because I’d feel more comfortable lounging around in a pair of stained yoga pants than leading a writing workshop, then I’m obviously a part of the problem, not the solution.  Sometimes not trying to make a difference is a greater travesty than trying and failing.

So no more hoping someone else will come along and take the reins.  No more keeping my head down when my help is needed.  I’m going to do what I know I’m spiritually and emotionally capable of and I’m going to make a difference.

First on the agenda: schedule dance lessons for my husband.

On Track

At times, I feel I’m the engineer on this train, 
and some days, just cargo.  
All I need to know is that I’m on the right track.

Before I even began this journey, 
You’d mapped out the route.
Each time we pull into a stop, 
I think my trip is over.
Then the train starts up again, 
back out into the sun.

I think I’ll find my life 
in the silences between stops.
Give me the mettle to lead the way 
when I’m at the helm,
and the wisdom to know 
when to let go and let You take over.

-Ruth Williams

About Ericka Clay