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For some time, I'd known I needed to change my Sunday worship. It was still a necessary start to my week, but it wasn't the grounding it had been. I had to engage more fully and to me that means participation.

First, I gave the "Minute for Mission." Just reading a paragraph someone else had written, I nearly choked on my tongue. Nope. Not very grounding.

I could be the liturgist, assisting the pastor throughout the service. That means leading call and response and making announcements. Given my "Minute for Mission" experience, it didn't seem like a very good idea.

What to do? Join the choir.

I tend to pay attention to these little nudges, but... the choir? That would put me in front of the congregation for the entire service, 10 months out of the year, week after week. I love music, but certainly a better idea would come to me. God would certainly send me a nudge.

One Sunday, the choir director, who is also a good friend, found me after the service. "You should join the choir." Talk about a nudge, but I still wasn't thrilled with getting up in front of everyone. "I'll think about it." Patiently, I waited for another nudge. A good nudge. A nudge I could follow without a panic attack because that's what I was having now every time the choir sang; light headed, sweaty palmed, and super queasy.

Did I mention queasy? The thought of getting sick in front of the congregation didn't ease my mind. I took my concerns to the local labyrinth. "What should I do?"

The message was clear. Join the choir.

I couldn't get past the idea that I might get sick during the service. I went to the choir master. Surely, he'd pat me on the back on send me on my way. "I really want to join, but whenever the choir sings, I feel like throwing up." "I'll get you a bucket," he said. "We'll put your name on it." He smiled.

God sent me the nudge I needed via a no-nonsense courier who is also a good friend; a good friend who performs at the local outdoor theater. Stage fright? Not impressive. My first rehearsal nearly cost me my dinner. The first time I stood with the choir in front of the congregation, I left sweaty hand prints on my music.

That was months ago. Now I actually look up at the congregation when we sing about God's love and strength and mercy. Choir and the necessary rehearsals have become a part of my weekly worship. Without them, I don't feel grounded. This grounding still isn't something I can achieve on my own. I have to pay attention to God's nudges and the messengers he sends my way. Especially the ones who are willing to give me a little push.

When I listen, amazing things are possible.

 

Hearing Your Voice

You know I don't always hear You,
especially when the task is difficult,
the journey hard,
or the way ahead frightening.
Help me recognize the messengers
You send my way
even as You help me
find the courage
to carry out Your plans.

-Sue Bradford Edwards

 

More Prayers by Sue Bradford Edwards
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