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Sam brought a ring on our first date, telling me I didn't have to take it yet; I could just let him know when I was ready. He then shushed me twice during lunch and promised to one day pay for laser hair removal on my legs and armpits. Finally, he topped it all off by telling me that he wanted to be with me because, and I quote, "You're kinda pretty, but not so pretty that I'd have to worry about other guys hitting on you."

A real winner, that guy.

Years ago, my mother advised me to date a lot. Through dating, she said, I would learn what I did and did not want in a mate.  Lately I've been mastering the "do not want" list. I have gotten to meet some great fellas, but it's been quite a while since I've left a date feeling the delightful zip of new love, and it's been even longer since that feeling has been mutual. With each new date, I expand the list of traits to avoid, as the "do want" list lies tucked away and forgotten in the back pages of a journal somewhere.

Recently, I've begun thinking about bringing that list out to see the light of day again. I might as well spend some time thinking of the potential to meet someone remarkable . . . no matter how miniscule that potential currently feels.

I've been digging through the romance archives of my mind, scrolling for good men and good memories to inspire my neglected list. It was through this exercise that I discovered a necessity long-forgotten.

I remembered praying with an ex-boyfriend. For him, it initially seemed that community prayer was reserved for church and Bible studies. In his day-to-day life, prayer was private. It meant a lot when he agreed to pray with me in the beginning, because I knew he was responding to a need of mine. He was reaching out to relate to me spiritually, knowing that my faith was the biggest part of who I was.

Over time, prayer became a common part of our relationship. In harmony and in discord, we would take time here and there to sit beside one another, lifting one another up to God as individuals and as a couple ready to learn love from the Master. I felt whole in these moments . . . grounded and rejuvenated as a girlfriend, assured of our unity.

That relationship eventually ended, because it really needed to, but because of that relationship, I now know the value of spiritual connectedness in clumsy human relationships. However short my "do want" list may be, I think I've at least figured out that I want to be with someone who will pray beside me . . .

. . . and who will be proud when other dudes hit on me, because sometimes they do, Sam. They actually do.

The Standard

Show me Your standards again,
each time I grow fearful
of becoming the spinster aunt.

Remind me
that I am not looking for a warm body
to prove my worth;
I am looking for a partner.

I am looking
for someone who will come with me
to find You
in the quietest parts of ourselves.

Prepare my heart
only for a love
that places itself in Your hands.

-Abi Wurdeman

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