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Driven to Distraction

Dr. Sandra, as we affectionately called her, wound up the last Lateral Thinking lecture by asking us: "Supposing all your cars were yellow Minis, how would you recognise yours?"

Suggestions flowed fast and furious: spray, decorations, bigger wheels so it stands proud, a scarf tied to the antenna, fluorescent car seat covers, a high-frequency signal...

Cars available on the market are all different, yet manufacturers want them to stand out from the rest anyhow. Bells, whistles, buttons and bows which one might rarely use are added to the basic model, to hike the price and the cachet attached to the vehicle; bull-bars and tinted windows are so yesterday.

Humdrum days sometimes move on automatic pilot, but heated seats and GPS would surely add comfort and instant pizazz to our lives.

Advance Parking Guidance System makes parallel parking a cinch, but you have to find a parking space first. Then, you tap the brakes and the car parks itself. Wouldn’t it be cool to ensconce one’s place in life without making a hash of it?

Automatic Perfume Dispenser is counter-productive when you love your “new car smell,” but if you regularly ferry smelly dogs and scruffy kids, you’ll love it. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could automatically dispense scents called Serenity, Solace and Sympathy instead of Spite, Stinginess and Sarcasm?

Collision Avoidance System will not save you from ramming an oncoming vehicle head on, but the radar reacts faster than the driver prepping the brakes and tightening seat belts. It is difficult to avoid clashes with people, sometimes, but we can always hold our impulsiveness in check.

Departure Prevention identifies the lines between lanes through the use of cameras; braking and steering pressure are smoothly applied to keep you going in the right direction. Don’t we all need a nudge if it seems like we’re straying off the straight and narrow path?

Dynamic Cruise Control senses the distance and speed of the vehicle ahead. An on-board computer applies throttle and brake to maintain the required distance continuously. Knowing when, where and how to keep your distance is crucial to good relationships.

Gentleman Function allows you to maneuver the front seat for more leg-room at the back. It would be nice to consider the comfort levels of others when chasing our own.

Life is a journey. Let us pick the right options for our voyage.

 

The Road to Recovery

 My car is an extension of Me.
A mobile handbag; diner; office.
Horsepower becomes speed of light;
Sunlight on mirror, reflecting bright.
Magnetized plates.
Car stickers play on my emotions.
Distance, speed, torque
CD player and radio.
I even have
A Reserved Parking Space...
That's the envy of many.

Help me get
A GPS navigation system towards
Communication, safety, and security.
Before I need the Automatic Crash Response.

Or should I just align my brakes?

-Tanja Cilia

 

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