Blogs - Prayables Team Blog

Peace After Loss: Part One

Over three years ago, I lost my husband suddenly when he had a heart attack in our backyard. I was peacefully taking a shower, getting ready to go to town to do a little shopping then to Good Friday mass at our parish.

I loved Easter week. The whole idea of new life, resurrection, and coming out of the darkness of winter into the world's awakening to spring. Then part of me died.

The details are for another time, but suffice it to say, he was gone when I went outside to start the car and to give him our usual goodbye kiss. It was the worst day of my life. Good Friday, indeed.

The next few days were difficult, but I handled it like any in-control wife who had to be tough would handle it. He always told me, "You gotta toughen up." So I did. Visitors, food, flowers, questions, advice, even laughter - these things filled the house and my life for awhile, but I heard it all with the same stoicism as if it didn't affect me one way or another.

Then, after the funeral, and after most of the family and friends left, I had to face the reality of each day without him. Every day, at least once a day, I'd reach for my cell phone to call his. I'd find myself forgetting if I'd taken a breath lately. So, I'd take a good long breath just to make sure I could.

With the wind knocked out of me, I trudged through that first year. And I'd say, "Make this year go quickly, Lord." Each day marked something, and as Joan Didion said, "What were we doing on this day last year?" rang in my head.

I know I was fortunate. I had almost 30 years with Denny. We had an up and down relationship that had definitely been up for quite a few years. We had finally bought a little place in the country and were enjoying making it ours for that last year and a half of his life, but then he was gone, and it just wasn't the same.

Have you lost someone, and feel alone in the world? Is your new pastime taking deep breaths? Do you look at the calendar and wonder what's the time limit on feeling this way? You're not alone. Know that. Your peace is in the memories, and the days to come.

Never Alone

You are near when breathing starts to quicken,
when eyes are open, but not seeing of this earth,
when coolness envelopes the skin,
when family and friends (from here and beyond)
are beckoned to the bedside.

You are near when tears flow,
and it's time to say good bye.
When smiles spread wide
and it's time to say hello, again,
and welcome home.

-Karen Laven

Read Peace After Loss: Part Two
About Mary Boscaino