A guy goes to confession after not going for many, many years. He walks into the confessional, and he sees on a small table a bottle of fine single-malt Scotch whiskey. Next to that is a wooden box of fine Cuban cigars with cutters, matches, etc. On the table are several magazines, including Motor Trend and Popular Mechanics. It is air-conditioned, carpeted, and has a nice easy chair to boot. A few seconds later, the priest walks in, and the man says, “Father, I know it has been a really LONG time since I’ve been to confession, but I have to hand it to you, and with all this stuff, I think these improvements are great!” To which the priest replied, “Sorry, son, but you’re on my side. Move on over!”