Jonathan,
In your discouragement, I have been there also. Before you give up, read the book “The Upside of Down” by Joseph Stowell. You can find it on Amazon. Someone gave me this book when I felt the same way you do. It changed my life. I know it will have the same impact on you.
Here is a quote from his book that I have posted in my office to remind me of “Why Me!”
GRACE is His power to sustain us regardless of our circumstances, 2 Corinthians 12:9
GROWTH is the development of our personhood on both character and competency. Romans 5:3-5 James 1:1-5
GLORY is the reflection of His character and capacity through our suffering as the world watches to see if our God is powerful enough and good enough to be counted on in trouble, John 9:3-4
“If we are to find hope when it hurts, we start by affirming that God is not to be blamed but to be trusted and obeyed as He brings us through it all with an outpouring of His grace for our growth and the ultimate gain of glory.” -The Upside of Down by Joseph Stowell
I don’t know why 14 years, but I do know that God has a plan for you. Trust Him and listen. I know personally, been there and done that! I was a wealthy business man that was molded on the potter’s wheel and who became a Chaplain to help others through their pain and suffering. Fasten your seatbelt my friend, God has a plan. It may be a bumpy ride at first, but it will blow you away when it is revealed. Blessing to you and your journey.
Dennis L.