By There are just going to be those days (you know the kind) where nothing goes right, nothing gets done, no progress is made, and you just sort of feel like you’re existing.
I wouldn’t be surprised to find out you’re having that kind of day. You’re a few hours into Monday and already feeling like you’re lagging behind. Like that person who just posted on Instagram is miles ahead of you. Like you can never keep up and you cannot win. I’ve been there before.
But here’s what I have to tell you today. It’s essential (and you can be sure I am preaching the same thing to myself in the mirror today): this day is between you and God—no one else. His eyes are on you. Stop looking to the right and the left of you– lock in.
I love the practice of self-discipline. But somewhere in my journey, I stopped wanting to improve for the sake of becoming better, and I desired self-improvement because I thought what I had to offer wasn’t enough. I chiseled away at myself and sought to improve because I wanted people to love me. I wanted to be enough for the world. I desperately wanted to be seen. And that, my friend, is a draining mentality. It’s a race you can never win.
You will never find your purpose in seeking to please everyone.
You will crumble at the altar of trying to make others love you.
I was obsessed with proving to others that I was improving. How strange is that? I was setting little deadlines in my brain like, “I will be enough when I weigh this much” or “I will be worthy when I accomplish ______________.” And yet the prizes couldn’t fill me, and the success felt bottomless and unattainable. I never found the finish line for that race. There was always another race starting, and I was stuck, always looking to the right and left of me. This mentality caused me to stop celebrating others in the race and put all my fear into the thought of being left behind and forgotten.
My daughter Novalee gives me an accurate analogy for this daily. One of the more common phrases we use in our home is, “Earth to Novi.” She’s constantly looking around and while this is very cute, she’s often smashing into things because she won’t look forward. Her eyes are always on something to the right or the left of her and it means that getting to the destination takes much more time.
This premise is cute for a three-year-old, but what does it say about us when we can’t look straight ahead because we’re too busy rubbernecking to see what everyone else is doing?
It’s time to look straight ahead.
Stop thinking that 300 people on Instagram need you to improve.
Stop thinking that the 600 people who watch your story are waiting for you to fail.
Stop showing up to try and prove your family wrong.
It’s not about who is watching. It can’t be. That will never fill you. The discipline will never hold if you only ever do it for the reaction of other people.
You have to believe you’re worth changing. You have to think you deserve goodness just as much as everyone else. You must see the finish line for yourself and know you were born to cross it and experience the feeling of victory in your bones.
Improving is a privilege. Growth is something to look forward to. This stuff is meant to be fun and exciting even when it feels a bit draining or daunting. You get to see the fruit of becoming a better version of yourself first. Just you. You’re the one who plants the discipline, you’re the one who sees the first sprout coming up from the ground. Not your boss. Not your mother. Not your husband. Not the Instagram world. When you show up to improve, you get to see the change first and it should be sacred to you. You planted something. You showed up. You dug in the dirt. You decided to keep showing up, despite the fear.
It’s not wrong to want to better yourself. Transformation is a glorious thing and we all have access to it. But you “get to” improve. You don’t “have to” improve. You get to show up today. You get to invest in yourself today. You get to look differently at the end of the day because of a series of small steps you chose, despite who was watching.
Eyes up- it’s time to lock in.