Feature: Good Advice

I try to follow the maxim “all unsolicited advice is self-serving” and ask before I offer my opinion on what I think someone else should do. I think we all love receiving well-meaning guidance; we just bristle when it arrives unbidden, when it lands as thinly disguised criticism.

Each fall, I solicit advice from readers of The Morning, asking for the best wisdom they received in the previous 12 months. This year, as last year, I’m struck by how many people have been moved by Mel Robbins’s “Let Them” theory. I was intrigued by the couple of people whose best advice came from a chatbot (in my opinion, the human advice was better). Lots of you were changed by advice to stretch, drink water, walk more — these are perennials. I don’t know why I can’t seem to take the advice to drink a glass of water upon waking up. One reader suggested it’s watering yourself, as you would a plant. I like this — some mornings the only word that seems appropriate to describe how I feel is “wilted.”

The best advice I received this year was from my friend Lori, who, when I was expressing anxiety about some far-off worry, advised, “Move the horizon closer.” Another bit that I’ve returned to: “What if it all works out?” Taken together, the instruction seems to be: Keep your gaze in the present, and if you must consider the future, choose the best-case scenario to ponder. It’s just as likely to transpire as the worst-case one, after all.

• Nothing changes if nothing changes. — Kristine Tobin Balasz, Charlevoix, Mich.
• If it’s meant to serve you, and it doesn’t (and it’s affordable), replace it. Daily things like your bag, your water bottle, your socks. Find ones you actually like using. — Alissa Gulin, Laurel, Md.
• Before your kids go to college, find something you are passionate about other than work. — Sandra Beaulieu, Bellevue, Wash.
• You don’t need to tell everyone everything that goes into making the chicken soup. — Hannah Schoff, New York City
• Your parents are also doing things for the first time. Cut them some slack. — Katie Claytor, Richmond, Va.
• Don’t think harder, breathe deeper. Most of us are surviving on shallow sips of air. — Carly Sotas, Los Angeles
• Never second-guess going to a funeral. — Kathy Nechanicky, Lakeville, Minn.
• We tend to forget that baby steps still move us forward. — Becki Moss, Sarasota, Fla.
• Good conversations have lots of doorknobs. — Samantha Good, Portland, Ore.
• It’ll be fine or it’ll be over. — Nathalie Cunningham, Tacoma, Wash.
• Do dishes when the baby does dishes. — Lisa Francomacaro, White River Junction, Vt.
• Ask yourself: What if there was no problem to solve right now? — Brianán Kiernan, San Francisco
• Write what’s bothering you down on a piece of paper; put it in a little box. A year later, read what’s in there and see if you don’t start laughing. — Diane Huebner, Merced, Calif.
• “Wear the ring.” — A jeweler who cleaned a family heirloom I’d kept in a box for 50 years for fear of losing it. — Arline Sirkus, New York City
• Best advice for decluttering: If you didn’t own it, would you buy it again? — Margaret Roberts, Kodiak, Alaska
• Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself, the storm will pass. — Lyn Banghart, Easton, Md.
• Go outside first thing in the morning before you do anything else. — Carrie Swift Heck, Lee, Mass.
• Your job needs to leave you enough time to go for walks with your old dog. — Gillian Williams, Madrid, Spain
• Ask for a favor, get advice. Ask for advice, get a favor. Asking for a favor can put someone in an uncomfortable spot, but asking for advice taps into their intelligence and shows respect. It may feel slower, but it ultimately gets you what you want more effectively. — Max Zawacki, Conroe, Texas
• Even in the hardest of times, you have the ability to whistle in the dark. — Kate Chimenti, Los Gatos, Calif.
• Don’t make what someone told you into your narrative. — Jean Anderson, Winter Garden, Fla.
• When going on a trip, ask yourself: Are you going to see places or show yourself? Then pack accordingly. — Marina Selcuk, Oakville, Ontario, Canada
• Always have a bottle of Champagne chilling in the fridge. — Helen Labun, Montpelier, Vt.
• Don’t pick up the rope: When someone is starting to argue, state the facts calmly and walk away. — Laurel Givens, Houghton, Mich.
• Why don’t you get hearing aids? — Amy Kepple Strawser, Columbus, Ohio
• In order to fall asleep, you pretend to fall asleep. Perhaps that’s how everything works … cheers to faking it ’til you make it. — Christen Bakken, Pine, Colo.
• Anxiety is not intuition. — Kaylee Davis, Fuquay Varina, N.C.
• When your 100-pound German shepherd takes off after a squirrel, drop the leash so you don’t end up with a broken arm. — Cherie Walker, Pickens, S.C.
• From a fellow vegetarian: Don’t bother ordering the sad, token meatless item on the menu when they drag you to a steakhouse. Just get dessert, and relish it. — Emily Wasserman, Portland, Me.
• Sometimes, you have to let people lie to you. You don’t always have to be right or call people on their nonsense. — Rob Lancia, Nanuet, N.Y.
• Put away your phone whenever there is a human being in front of you. — Emily Herrick, Vashon, Wash.