The highway patrolman pulls over a car on the highway. He approaches the car, and the driver rolls down the window. He sees it’s an elderly lady at the wheel. "Officer, is there a problem?" she asks. "Well ma’am, this is a 65-mile-an-hour … [Read more...]

A policeman stops Sam as he and his wife Sadie are in the car speeding down the highway. "Do you know you were going 95mph in a 65 mph speed zone?" Sam says, "Why no, officer, I'm surprised. I had my cruise control set for 65." Sadie pipes … [Read more...]

Jack, a well-dressed athletic-looking fellow, is approached by a homeless man.  - Can you help me out? "If I give you money, will you use it for alcohol?"  - No, I don't drink. "What about drugs?" - I don't use drugs. Jack asks a … [Read more...]

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON … [Read more...]

There's this 49-year-old man who takes care of his mother and his cat. His entire adult life, it’s Mother and the Cat, 24/7. He couldn’t leave them on their own, so he didn’t work, and he had no social life.  His brother came over one day and … [Read more...]

A priest, a minister, and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing … [Read more...]

A man goes to the pet shop and buys Dolly the parrot. He brings the bird home and is surprised to hear her talk. the first thing she says is, “Hey there, handsome.” Then the parrot says to him, “How about a little kiss.” The man is deeply bothered by … [Read more...]

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York Born 1903 – Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the Good Die … [Read more...]

I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. God asked if I'd been 'computing,' And I had to answer 'yes.' God told me to get off my fanny and tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up The smudges off my mouse. I wiped … [Read more...]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the … [Read more...]