The pastor got up in the pulpit to deliver his very lengthy sermon. He began by apologizing for the Band-Aid on his face. He said, “I was thinking about my sermon while shaving and cut my face.” Afterward, the treasurer found a note in the … [Read more...]

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take … [Read more...]

Pacing back and forth, a man was getting anxious about his imminent operation. His wife asked him, "What's the matter? Why are you getting so worked up?" He replied: "I heard one of the nurses say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, … [Read more...]

Sharon Clark has a heart attack and is rushed to the hospital. While she’s on the operating table, her heart stops and her soul departs from her body. Sharon appears before God and asks, “God, is that it?” God answers, “No, you have another 30 years … [Read more...]

Hump-ty dumpty sat on a wall, Hump-ty dumpty sat up straight and tall. All who cast gloom and all who cry doom, couldn't make Hump-ty grumpy on Hump Day. … [Read more...]

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something in the distance. Praying it wasn’t a mirage, he hurried toward the object only to find a little old Jewish man standing beside his weathered … [Read more...]

A husband and wife are arguing. The wife is so angry that she impulsively goes to the kitchen, grabs the sharpest knife she can find, and approaches her husband with the intention to cut off his private parts. She yields the knife and misses. … [Read more...]

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. Her nameplate reads "Patty Whack." "Miss Whack," he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Surprised, Patty asks for his name. "Kermit Jagger," he replies. "My dad is Mick … [Read more...]

A priest and a rabbi are old friends who enjoy ribbing each other.  The priest says to the rabbi, “Too bad in your business, there’s no room for moving up. Once a rabbi, always a rabbi.”  The rabbi asks, “And in your line of work, you can move … [Read more...]

A pig and a chicken sharing the same barnyard heard about a church’s program to feed the hungry. The pig and the chicken discussed how they could help. The chicken said, “I’ve got it! We’ll provide bacon and eggs for the church to feed the … [Read more...]