His heart was broken. Phil was devastated when Lucy told him “I don’t think we’re a good fit.”
Not a good fit? Phil and Lucy shared the same interests, they came from similar backgrounds, people even told them they looked alike.
Phil couldn’t and wouldn’t accept the break up at first. He persisted.
He asked nicely “Why aren’t we a good fit?” Lucy said things like, we want different things, I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m taking a break from dating.
Phil was insulted by the banality of her excuses. He loved her. He planned a life with her. Lucy was the answer to his prayers.
Phil met Lucy on a blind date. His buddy Steve’s mom fixed him up. Their first date was at Miller’s Pub in her neighborhood. The conversation flowed. Phil instantly knew Lucy was the one for him. She was smart, she was funny, she was a good listener.
Lucy was adorable. He went home that night, emailed Harriet and thanked her for an epic fix-up.
Phil? Oh, he was a real nice guy until I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. Then he got pissy.
My mom’s friend Harriet fixed us up. Kudos to Harriet – we went out three times, which I consider a pretty darn good fix-up. But there was no chemistry.
I tried to like him. He was a nice Jewish boy, good looking, and successful in business. He worked out, didn’t drink too much, and dressed well. Phil had never been married, no kids, and came from a nice family. He was baggage free.
That’s why I continued to say yes, even though the dates were boring.
On the third date he was asking me to go with him to Rhode Island for his cousin’s wedding in October. It was only May. I realized I better pull the plug. I didn’t want to lead him on or hurt him. It just wasn’t fair.
I knew he was way more into me than I was to him, but I was surprised he reacted so strongly when I told him it was over.
Phil is a great guy, and a good catch for the right woman. In fact, I offered to fix him up with one of my girlfriends. He didn’t take the suggestion very well.
Losing Lucy is the worst thing that ever happened to me. And to add insult to injury, she wanted to fix me up with someone else. How did she not get it? I loved her and I thought she loved me too.
I replayed every moment we were together and still can’t figure out what happened. My friends chime in with useless advice and worse yet – stupid observations like sorry man, she just wasn’t in to you.
I mourned my loss. I was disappointed. I’m forty years old and I’ve been dating longer than anyone should have to. My good friends are all married, they have kids, they have a life. I’m lonely. It doesn’t get any easier as you get older and you’re alone.
I’m a godfather. My first cousin Alex was married young and had kids right away. Alex and I were raised like brothers, our mothers are sisters and we are a very close family. Alex’s first born son is Trevor. At his bris, they gave me the honor of being his godfather. I’m not really religious, but I’m spiritual and my Judaism is very important to me…culturally speaking that is.
Trevor turned thirteen a few months after Lucy stopped seeing me. So here I am at his Bar Mitzvah, sharing a milestone event of a kid who is very special to me, surrounded by family who loves me and I’m listening to the Rabbi’s sermon. It’s as if the Rabbi was speaking to me alone and there were not two hundred other people in the sanctuary.
Understand this. The Rabbi was not my Rabbi. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know my story, she doesn’t know my pain. But she looks straight at me and says, “I want to talk about a broken heart.”
I’m paraphrasing from this point forward. She explains that a broken heart is a gift from God. It’s an opportunity to look into your heart and see your soul because at that point in time it’s not whole – there are cracks and openings which make it easy to see inside.
I felt a chill go through me. Then a warm breeze. Finally, awareness. The longing in my soul was not for Lucy, it was for love. To love and be loved. Which is all I ever wanted in the first place.
I needed to start by loving God, who loves me unconditionally. My prayers for a wife and lover have been answered, the answer is “not yet, not her.” So simple – I can’t believe I missed it.
Right then and there in the House of God, I thanked God. Gratitude washed over me and I squeezed the hand of my Mom who was sitting next to me. I gave her a kiss. She smiled, and gave me a look bursting with pride – we call it kvelling.
After the service we went in to the social hall for lunch and the party. I took my seat at the assigned table. My sister and her husband were there, two of my cousins, and three cousins from the other side who I never met before. One of those cousins was Lisa.
I sat next to Lisa, I danced with Lisa, Lisa and I fell in love right there in the social hall.
I swear I could feel the healing of my heart as it was happening, like some kind of vacuum magically sealing the cracks and fissures.
I gave my whole and holy heart to Lisa and she took it gladly. We’re getting the whole gang back together to celebrate our wedding which will be held next month in the synagogue where we met by the Rabbi who changed my life forever.