I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?  Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they … [Read more...]

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake, and when she took it from the oven, the center dropped flat. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to … [Read more...]

A guy is sitting in a bar having a scotch and soda when another guy walks in. They get to talking. "Where do you live?" "I live in the city - West Loop neighborhood." "I live in West Loop!" The one man exclaimed. "Wow! - Where did you … [Read more...]

An unfortunate man was involved in a serious auto accident, suffered serious injuries, and was rendered unconscious. When he finally regained consciousness after some days and several operations, he found himself in a quiet Catholic … [Read more...]

Harry and Zelda received the bad news that Harry's days are numbered. As he lay in his bed, waiting for the time to meet his maker, his darling Zelda was by his side. "Zelda," He gasped. "You've been a good wife, the best a man could ask for. … [Read more...]

If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law. Eva Gabor Old age comes at a bad time. Ed Sullivan Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. Stevie Wonder Old age is like a plane flying through … [Read more...]

The pastor gave a rousing sermon about being a soldier in God's army and encouraged everyone to "fight for the cause." After the service, as he was greeting the parishioners on the church steps, he saw Jack. "Hello Jack, it's so good to see … [Read more...]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are debating the question, “When does life begin?” The priest says, “At conception, of course!” The minister says, “At birth!” The rabbi says, “When the last kid goes to college and the dog dies!” … [Read more...]

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when the Loch Ness monster suddenly attacked his boat. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then, it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, … [Read more...]

You know you're in a country church when the preacher talks about Jesus feeding the 5000, and people ask whether the two fish were bass or catfish and what bait was used to catch them. You know you're in a country church when a member requests to … [Read more...]